Yesterday I realized I have five weeks to go before this experiment comes to an end. Cassandrus and I agreed that the last Sunday in Advent would be our last day on the wagon. Can I hoist a tankard after sundown? I may allow myself or I may just put it off another day.
If I resume drinking as usual, will I have learnt anything from this experience? Learning doesn't mean change, necessarily. I might say that I have learned that whatever problems I have aren't problems with alcohol. My life is little better or worse for having given it up. Perhaps that's because I did not launch any great self-improvement program of body or soul in conjunction with going on the wagon. I wasn't doing it for any particular reason, so it's not surprising that it hasn't accomplished anything.
I have learned something about the power of alcohol. I can stop drinking, but I can't stop wanting a drink. It's not a continuous thirst, but it is a distinct wish at certain times like the end of the day or in certain circumstances - like with the right foods, in company, under stress, at the end of a task, etc. Recovering alcoholics and former smokers say that the desire never goes away and I believe them.
