I have found this same problem to be the most pressing challenge on the wagon. Friends, family, everyone knows you as someone whom they can share a few beers with. Refusing an alcoholic beverage, whether as host or as guest, creates awkward situations. During my previous experiences, in addition to the changed social dynamics, I have often found drinkers to be defensive in the presence of someone who doesn't drink, as if the non-drinker were a walking accusation of their habit. I have spent a lot of time patiently explaining why I am doing this, and have often achieved reassurance only when I reiterated that I would be a fun social drinker again. I guess most people accept and applaud an alcoholic quitting alcohol altogether, but they cannot imagine quitting voluntarily, even if only for a limited period of time. I think everyone who habitually drinks every day should try it just to see if they are addicted or not.
Today I came home and my wife (who just about never drinks) had entertained three guests, each of whom drank a homebrew. It was weird cleaning up those beer mugs knowing that I could not have one!
Fortunately, the cousins don't appear to want wine with dinner anyway. Or maybe I missed that part of the conversation on the first night?
ReplyDeleteI guess I didn't think so much about the negative social dynamic aspect that you're describing, especially the worry about not being a good host or a good guest. In my own experience with the older members of my family, it is the alcohol consumption, rather than the lack of it, that usually brings out the social dynamics that embarrass me and that I dread.
You know I don't drink very much, or very often -- that was a conscious decision made many years ago and it is motivated and sustained by fear. I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to control my comsumption, if I drank on a regular basis. I'm even more afraid of the potential for repeating the behavior patterns I have seen in the older generations of my family.
So, to me, I think your motivation is very positive, and not fear-based, and that's really, really healthy and should be applauded. Kudos to you both!